Do you dread that moment on jump on the scale?

I was about 11 when I started weighing myself

Tying my happiness and self worth to the scales

Being thin, super thin, was considered the ultimate goal, the seal of approval

My life would feel complete- I would finally be confident

If I could fit into the clothes my friend’s wore, I would fit in

I would be obsessively focus on a number on the scales, but not really know why

What I did know is that I would be thrown into turmoil if I didn’t get closer to it, god forbid if I got further away from it

Eventually , I would have enough , or would get so dangerously obsessed, that I just never wanted to go back there, and would go the other way

NEITHER made me happy

Back to being dangerously obsessed - I was about 15/16 when things started getting more out of hand-a cycle of restriction, followed by binge eating

I was about 9st 7lb- about 10lbs heavier than I am now

If someone had told me that 15 years later I would be that much heavier I would be horrified

But SHE was completely wrong- she had got it ALL wrong.

She was chasing something she thought she should have, because of what was in front of her, what she was reading and watching.

She had picked an ideal weight out of the sky

What DOES a number on the scale even mean?

I didn’t even question this, what was important to ME at the core

Which was

A size 10 is best for me- I will be happy and healthy

I needed to find clothes that looked amazing on me, rather than HAVING to wear what my friends wore because they were a size smaller than me

Eating indulgent food every so often without the guilt AND being able to stop, would be one of the keys to my happiness and freedom .

If I had understood my food- I would actually enjoy it

Oh, and by the way, I would make a career out of it

Time spent , on your own, focusing on what you want - even half an hour- many cant do it without grabbing their phone, it might seem like a waste of time

But I wasted years being unhappy

Not listening to myself

How many will YOU waste?